I thought Instant Pot was a quick way to score weed? and other FAQ’s

I purchased my Instant Pot during Amazon Prime Day but I didn’t tell anyone. Is it too late to take part in the Larger Instant Pot Conversation?

Oosh. I don’t know, Howard Hughes. Because really. What were you thinking, keeping a picture of the box arriving on your doorstep to yourself? Are you also the kind of monster who doesn’t take a picture of latte art LIKE IT DIDN’T EVEN HAPPEN?!

I bought my Instant Pot because White Facebook told me to. Should I open the box?

Yo. This isn’t like Holiday Barbie 1989. You should probably open it and put it on the counter alongside the The Magnolia Journal and a sprig of holly so White Instagam knows you’re legit.

I’ve heard you can make chicken soup in an Instant Pot in the span of 3 commercial breaks. But, like, what kind of commercials are we talking?

Listen. It was a crap metaphor. Instant Pot works like TiVo. It already lets you fast forward through commercials. Even the Geico ones which are hilarious. It probably even picks out things you might like. But just press the right buttons, mmkay?

I didn’t register for an Instant Pot when we got married because they weren’t invented yet. Now I really want to trade it in for my Crock Pot. I’ve also heard that Instant Pots can replace rice cookers. Is that true?

Questions about swapping out are something you and Marie Kondo are going to have to work out on your own. Will it spark lust? Jealousy? These are the keys to figuring it all out.

My husband purchased me an off-brand Instant Pot and I’m not sure what this all means?

Three words: stainless steel liner. No one will blame you when you file for divorce on account of not having one. A knock-off brand? Man, that’s cold.

AirBnB hasn’t created a filter yet for identifying which properties have Instant Pots. Do you think I should riot?

At least start a hashtag #MakingAirBnBGreatAgain and see if it can gain some traction. Pro-tip: KimYe is still a little gun-shy about AirBnB so maybe don’t bark up that tree for a retweet. Especially since we know Kim isn’t wearing clothes in that tree, but that is neither here nor there.

Should I be nervous about bringing an appliance into my home that, if opened at the wrong time, could shoot quarts of hot lava onto my skin or the skin of my loved ones?

I mean…define nervous. Next thing you’re going to ask is if any kid has ever swallowed a marble from Hungry Hungry Hippos. Pshh. No. Doy!

Does Instant Pot ever get people knocking on its door wondering if this is a quick way to score weed?

Please do not joke about this within or about the Instant Pot community.

About The Author


kendratheadverb

Kendraspondence is the personal mischief of Kendra Stanton Lee.
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