Category: Witticisms

Reasons the Neighborhood FB Group’s Moderator is Resigning

The lost dog posts were starting to be triggering. In the last six months, 89% of responses were GIFs. Every suspicious person post was grounds for a Key and Peele skit. Refereeing the For Sale posts that wandered into the community posts THERE IS A SEPARATE GARAGE SALE GROUP FOR THAT, FOR THE LOVE was […]

Generation X mother seeks professional handler to restage her life as Digital Native

Deprived of the social media network to document her every milestone (due to its regrettable non-existence during peak milestone gathering years), Generation X mother seeks a complete restaging of her life for the last 36 years in order to achieve parity with Digital Native Children she is raising. Willing to pay for services that include: […]

Girlfriend’s Guide to an Alien Invasion at Costco

The following are marks of suspected aliens that may appear trolling the aisles of Costco.* This guide is neither complete nor to be taken seriously. Says to greeter, “I don’t have a membership card. I just want to spend money here– is that not enough?” Does not purchase toilet paper, did not forget Passes leather […]