8 Thoughts I Have Whilst Getting a Pedicure

1. Why is it that there’s always a leader man of the pack working the nail salon? Why is there a whole den of she-manicurists but only one he-manicurist and he’s the only one who talks to customers? I’m not trying to disrespect hierarchy here, but I’ve entered my fair share of nail salons and there is always Just One Guy and so many women working there, and The Guy is Always the One Who Talks to Customers First. Who decides this and what would happen if there were more than One Guy?

2. Did I tell someone that I needed a pedicure? Because I didn’t mean to say I need. I meant want. Children in The Sudan need food and water. I just kinda want not to have the toenails of a pegasaurus.

3. Do pedicurists always tell you that you picked out a “nice color”? Like they work 40+ hours a week in the nail salon but they needed you, you super sleuth of the OPI rainbow, to pick out such a nice color. Because this happens to me every time and I’m all high-fiving myself for being such an outstanding color curator and then I think, Nawwww! They say that to all the girls!

4. When the pedicurist pulls out the scraper that is most likely a cheese grater and starts rubbing it against your foot, why does it feel so crazy ticklingly good?

5. Why does someone like I (who lives a pretty sedentary life), who does not work in a factory or run across hot coals on the regular, need to have her feet scraped with a cheese grater?

6. What would happen if the Department of Motor Vehicles and a nail salon teamed up and while you waited in the interminable line to get your driver’s license renewed, you could be getting a spa pedicure???

7. Would it be reasonable to vote for someone whose campaign platform included access to affordable, clean pedicures for all?

8. Is it okay to tip 10% for a pedicure? Someone just took a cheese grater to my foot–I feel like the tip could go either way?

Pedicure

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  • And don’t forget one of my favorites …

    What about all the fumes in the salon from acrylic nails … can you take it? I just WALK by the salon at the mall and get light-headed.

    … the cheese grater thingie does tickle me, too.