25 Fascinating Facts About My Twenties

1.) I have had more jobs since graduating from college than both of my parents have had in their whole lives. This is a remarkable lot since I have only been out of college for four years, and am a fairly monogamous person in other aspects of my life. This is also a ridiculous lot considering the fact that I have never been fired from any of these jobs like one might expect from a serial jobber.

2.) I only watched “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” for the first time this month.

3.) I cried extremely hard while scrunched up in fetal position on my 26th birthday. I was very depressed about turning 26 years-old.

4.) I have never smoked a cigar although I have attempted to do so twice in my twenties.

5.) I am married but sometimes still wake up at bleary-eyed hours of the night and am struck by the fact that there is a man sleeping in my bed. I have had to remind myself who this is, how he got here, and that it is okay, he is supposed to be here. In my bed. Lying next to me.

6.) I have barfed more after consuming Coffee Coolatas than alcoholic beverages in my twenties. One would think that I would subsequently drink less Coffee Coolatas for this reason, but I have subsquently abstained from most alcoholic beverages.

7.) I am very proud to own a life insurance policy. At age 23, I earned my license to sell life insurance in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I never endeavored to sell a life insurance policy, and my license has now lapsed without renewal. The fact that I was licensed to broker life insurance policies indicates that most chimps, apes, and other primates could pass the exam (maybe even hoofed creatures, as well – the exam only require pecking at keys on a keyboard). I do not know if this fact is more amusing than it is depressing, or just plain absurd.

8.) I have learned many Korean words in my twenties and am told that my pronunciation is above-average.

9.) Yesterday, I held a baby who was less than 12 hours-old.

10.) In the past three years, I have lost a grandparent and a stepgrandparent.

11.) I have visited five foreign countries in my twenties. Chronologically, they are: Haiti, China, Canada, England, France.

12.) I have gotten caught speeding twice in my twenties, and both times I had a radar detector in full operation.

13.) I give thanks for discovering the following products in my twenties: Underoos from American Eagle, Chai Tea in packets from Oregon Tea, White Tea Skin Guardian from Origins, Organic Granola from Harvest Coop, and Dansko clogs.

14.) I got re-baptized shortly before I turned 24. The preparation for baptism was one of the most blessed and intense times of my life, but the actual dunking was slightly terrifying.

15.) I have never missed a chance to vote in any election during my twenties. While I live in a predominantly black neighborhood, most of the pollsters do not expect that I am on my way to vote, however, and rarely solicit me as I head to the voting booth.

16.) I have not volunteered my time for worthy organizations as much as I did in my teens. I would like to change this in the second half of my twenties.

17.) The most fun I have had in one weekend during my twenties is a superlative shared by two trips. Trip #1: To Philadelphia whereby my now-husband John, best friends Spas and Walley, made merry and ate a lot of soft pretzels and wooder-ice. Trip #2: To NYC whereby my then-roommate Erin and I sang and danced very hard (at the expense of sleep) with Woody, Ellis, and Mao (at the expense of their dayjobs).

18.) I can truly say that I have never felt the intensity of my love for my husband as much as I did on our wedding day, but I can attest that my love has grown for him since that day.

19.) My friend Michael sometimes salutes the fact that I waited until marriage to do the “hibbidy-dibbidy.” I think this is endlessly funny.

20.) I had no cavities until the age of 23 when I was told that I needed to get 11 fillings. I naively proceeded to turn over my molars to the D.D.S of Doom and failed to get a second opinion. This may be considered one of the Great Regrets of my Twenties.

21.) I think my mother and my sister are still the most beautiful women that I know. My sister is also in her twenties, and my mother is most definitely not.

22.) The thing about my twenties that my father boasts about most is that I attended a writing geek conference in the Hamptons with Roger Rosenblatt. Who is Roger Rosenblatt? He taught at the writing geek conference (though he was not my instructor) and he is someone that my father will expect you to know when he boasts about how I met Roger Rosenblatt at a writing geek conference in my twenties.

23.) I still wear my orthodontic retainers, over 10 years after having them made. This is not outlandish, of course, it’s not like I wear them every night. They do, however, glow in the dark. In case I lose them in the throws of passion.

24.) I have lost one cellphone and another I have dropped in the middle of an intersection which was tragically pasted by a sportwagon. I have upgraded at least two of my phones. All of my phones have been called Oprah because I often conduct talkshow-like interviews on them with my family and friends.

25.) The two decisions in my life that have netted me the most satisfaction in my twenties were my decision to get married (both the timing and the person) and to launch my calligraphy business.

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  • foxy

    I love the fact that your phone conversations are conducted like talk shows: it is wholly endearing that you will be all businesslike and say, “So tell me, Ashleigh, what is the status of. . .” And then you will proceed to ask about my latest man-boy, career incarnation, or family issue. It’s endearing and great, just like you!

  • MeliBoo

    So entertaining to read almost anything you write! I very much enjoyed learning a lil bit more about you. So much to write about and to think… there is much left of your twenties still 🙂 Isn’t it exciting to think of what else might be worthy of adding to a list like this in the next few years?

    And the last part of #23 is HILARIOUS. orthodontic retainers and throws of passion … not unlike oil and water.

  • MJB

    I think I spell hibbity-dibbity with “t’s”, and I had no that that sentiment so tickled your fancy. So secretive…

    You couldn’t just go ahead and give me two shout-outs and tell everyone that it was MY baby whom you held when he was less than 12 hours old? I need, I need!

  • Autumn

    In regards to Roger Rosenblatt…
    I used one of his quotes on the dedication page of my Senior Comp. Very impressive Kendra.

    Keep writing because I love this website!